Sigh I know you love me and you never
stopped. It isn't because you repeat to me all the time, but because
of the fact that you tell me you're scared of losing me indefinitely.
You wanna try again when you're in a better place in your life and I
understand the reasons why you need to be alone to accomplish those
things. I believe you when you say that I’m right for you and that
you'll try and find all these qualities in other females and you
won't find them.. and that it will lead you back to me. Lol I've
screwed you up for life because you won't find anyone that's the
same.. words from your mouth. Sad but true.
I know that no one understands you like
I do. But I guess I need you to go out and meet a lot of the wrong
girls in order to be able to appreciate me. You took me for granted.
And feeling like you've lost me will help you learn how to love me
better. I tried so many times to do more for you in hopes that you
would do the same for me.. but you never did. I always felt like I
was doing so much more for you than you were doing for me. I can't
make excuses for you anymore.. but I trust your word that you'll be
back one day and love me the way I deserved to be loved.
You've made it clear to me that you
feel I’m your Mrs. right.. but we both know that I’m not Mrs.
right now. And in a weird way I just learned to accept that. I guess
it's a sense of feeling that we'll find each other one day when we're
both ready for that kind of commitment.
Right now.. things are just so
complicated. We go from not speaking for 2 weeks, to running back to
each other and acting like nothings changed.. Its so weird that one
minute I feel like we're okay again and the next and I understand
that we aren't together even if we act like we are.
Thank you for making this last week
together memorable. listening to the waves hit the rocks, sitting on
the rooftop where we spent our first summer together, and everything
we talked about that night in the car.. just having you reassure me
that you'll come back for me one day.. being in your arms and feeling
like nothing else in the world mattered in that moment. I'll carry
those moments with me until you find your way back. Watching the
sunset from the hill will always be special to me. And an angel was
on my side that day because it was nothing but clear blue skies. The
perfect moment, just standing there, overlooking the city with you..
holding me because I was cold. I'll always love those moments with
you.
Spending these last few holidays with
you were hard. Thanksgiving was hard because it was just so fresh and
I guess in the back of my mind I felt I would never see your family
again. That's what hurt the most. Feeling like I lost such a big part
of my life. They made me feel like I was part of the family and it
just hit me that I wasn't anymore.. and that I would probably never
see them again.
Christmas... Waking up in yours arms
will forever be with me. Because its one of the best feelings in the
world. Wishing me a merry christmas when u opened ur eyes and found me laying next to you.. spending the day with you and your family.
It's weird, they are aware of our situation and yet still asked if I
was coming and accepted me with open arms. It felt like nothing
changed and they were happy to see me after so long. It was the
weirdest thing, you would leave the room and I didn't feel the need
to have you there. I guess i've grown to be that comfortable around
your family that I can be in a room with them and not need you there.
Sigh.. i'm not sure how long before we
let go but I know this isnt the end of the road for us. we know where
you've been the last month and a half.. confused and trying to sort
your feelings.. and you found your way back to me without me having
to pull you back in myself. That alone tells me you'll be back to
look for me when we do part ways.
